When Kyle was about 7 weeks old, I had to return to work. I
had such a short time left on leave that it was just awful to think of him all
still wrinkled and red having to go to day care already. That is for another
post, but for now, on to the story! I had the greatest and most self-less gift
from two my best friends, Jenny and Cristi, who each took a week of their lives
to be Kyle’s first nanny’s when I returned to work and my post today is about
my last day with Cristi and Kyle before I returned to work. It was Monday, July
22nd and I was going back to work Tuesday morning so Cristi and I
decided we together could certainly manage a trip to the grocery store, mid-morning,
on a week day, with a newborn. No problem right, two graduate degree holding,
professional, aunt’s several times over, well rested and prepared women could
do this! I mean he is only 8 lbs, how could he possibly win this one? Plus
while I had the help, and the fact that she was going to be stuck in the house
for days on end, and then Jenny too, I wanted to stock up and do the whole meal
planning thing so a huge grocery trip was in order. Not to mention I really
didn’t have much stocked up anymore from my 65+ days of bed rest prior to his
arrival. Again, many more posts to come!
I nursed him, changed him, planned around his daily little
poo, dressed him, had a list, coupons, etc. all in order, and we struck out to concur
Kroger. We decided him in his car seat in the stroller was best as he dozed off
on the short ride over. Great sleeping!
We got this! High fives all around! Then one can push the cart for
groceries and one to push the stroller. That way I can actually get more items
than the 3-5 that fit on top of the stroller caddy. (The process of deciding
what is a necessity and fits onto this tiny platform is comical now. Does lunchmeat trump juice? Does juice trump
bread? With limited real estate it is a matter of how bad do I really need
something)
We get into produce, first stop. He stirs. Oh god, he is awake, now what? First old
lady comes over to admire, inquire his age, reminisce about her children, by
the time I know her children intimately, he is in a full on cry. Pacifier, find the pacifier. I poke that
in, and thankfully Cristi is working on sanitizing the cart and starting our
list. Then it appears. The dreaded blue stripe. I am able to shake his first admirer
and proceed to think, how can I change this diaper discreetly, as the restrooms
with changing stations are first off not convenient at all, and secondly not
somewhere I want to bring a 7 week old to. This kid does not tolerate a wet
diaper. He has literally started crying before the pee has come in contact with
the little strip indicator inside, it is like a fire alarm before seeing smoke.
I pull over in the floral section, and with Cristi’s help we
do a quick presto change swap for clean pants under the guise of the hydrangea
plants and tucked in his little car seat. He seems to calm down a bit, and the pacifier
is working, but he is wide eyed and ready to rumble now. We make it to the deli
and start to tag team the list. We are working feverishly as I know he is not
awake much when he is not a fussy baby at this point. By the time we get to the
deli, the on and off fussiness is back, and the stripe, yep, blue. We pull over
once again, hiding in the international food aisle, and do the quick swap again
in his little car seat.
At this point he is done, just over the notion he is
confined, under bright lights, and is not a happy camper. Cristi rescues him
out of his seat and starts the bouncing and cuddling, I push the stroller with
one hand and the cart with the other, throwing in the last few items within
reach we can muster. We head to the front. We get towards the front, and now he
is screaming, full on red face, mad mad mad. Then I smell it, oh no, he has
done it, the number two in aisle two. Now what? This is too much to handle in
the car seat and there is no way I am trekking through the entire store to the
exact opposite side of this massive place with a screaming 7 week old baby. We
happen to be in the beer aisle and have had several sympathetic stares at this
point so I seize the recently emptied aisle and throw down his changing pad on
a case of Bud Light, and do the unthinkable, I change his messy diaper right
there. Squatting next to the case of beer, I set record time, but this abrupt
change has made him even madder. I throw the beer case, on the bottom of the
cart, and we high tail it to the registers. Nathan will drink the evidence of
our incident is my thought process.
At the registers, Cristi and I are throwing things on the
conveyor belt, racing to move faster as he is absolutely screaming like we are
pinching him. Nothing is working to calm him down. We get all sorts of looks,
ranging from understanding and sympathetic, to the teenage bag boy looking at
us like we are nuts. We pay, and bolt, one of us buckling in the car seat and
the other loading the trunk, record pace I tell you! Just as we start the car
and get moving, silence. Just the suck
suck suck of the pacifier in motion. He is back in his happy place. Of course.
So kid, when you are old enough to read this one day…yes
your mother changed your diaper on top of a case of Bud Light, in the beer
aisle of a grocery store. You have given me a run for my money and you aren’t
even 4 months old yet. Good times.
