The fine line between a wedding and a funeral...

It has been wedding central it seems like lately on my evenings and weekends, which has been great since having a baby is seriously almost as expensive as their first year of college it seems! When I tell people that weddings are my hobby or something I enjoy helping to plan and be a part of, most people who have experienced the planning of a wedding look at me like I have four eyes. If you have lived through your own wedding you now know how different planning a wedding is than planning say a birthday party, or a Christmas dinner. It is an event like no other, and often those who are virgin brides/wedding planners don’t get what all the fuss is about, and why on earth anyone would hire a wedding planner or coordinator is beyond them. Then you talk to them post wedding. You hear of the stress, the frustration, the expense and then not even having time to enjoy the day, which is usually immediately followed up with, “If I had known then what I know now, I would have spent the little extra to have someone there to manage that day at minimum”. Also many find out also on the flip side that having someone in their court to navigate the very clique waters of wedding vendors, that often the help in negotiations and planning can actually save the bride more than the cost of the planner or coordinator. Basically making the assistance free! Unfortunately it is often a realization that only seems to happen after the wedding has happened, but some brides wise up early on and get it from the beginning, either from seeing the benefits and value happen first hand, or attending a really bad wedding.  This I think is why I am kept busy enough with just friends of friends, or referrals from weddings I have done that a future bride has attended. They have firsthand experience to rely on to take that leap of faith.

Now that I have that out of the way, here is the catalyst behind this post. Each time I meet a bride, especially in the early stages before their eyes get glassed over like a deer in a headlight with all the to-do’s on their lists, I try to put the day in perspective for them, as I think this is the greatest reason as to why a wedding day is so special and a day like no other you will ever experience. (Of course besides the fact you are committing your life to someone else!)

Your wedding day is the only time in your life where you will be alive to witness all those that love and support you in one room for one purpose, you.  They will come from near and far, they will be the oldest and youngest members of your family and friends, all there to show that they love you, they encourage you, and they believe in you and this person you are about to spend the rest of your life with. If you really sit back and think of this, it is actually larger than the wedding itself. It will unfortunately never be recreated again, even at your funeral those same mix of people, will sadly not all be there to celebrate you and your life. This is your one shot to really be present, really absorb, and just take in all that you can to remember this day. That should be your sole energy on your wedding day in my opinion. Yes the flowers are beautiful, your makeup was flawless, you have photographs to pass on to your children and their children, but as you head towards the end of your life, you will look back on that day and remember all those around you and realize that it is about to happen again, in a much more somber tone, and that unfortunately you won’t be there to see it.

I often relay this to the brides I am lucky enough to help plan or be a part of their special day as I think it is really forgotten in the shuffle of all that happens in that short window of time. You concentrate on the groom, on your future, on your marriage, and many other important things, but really in my opinion this trumps all of those things, as without these people in your life, none of the other elements or events would exist. While I can see how some might think this is morbid and a dreary reality to think about on what is to be one of the happiest days of your life, but for me I hope that I can convey this and it is received as just something to deeply consider and appreciate, that this day is larger than you, larger than that massive white dress, and larger than the ring on your finger, it encompasses your life, and I find that this is the reason I am addicted to weddings. I am lucky to get to observe many weddings and the reactions of brides, grooms, family and friends, with a very unbiased eye. My single most favorite moment is when the bride and groom are at the front, reciting their vows, and everyone’s eyes are on that couple. It is then that I scan the room, and see all the faces just in awe, love and care for this couple vowing to share a life together for as long as they live.  It is really something remarkable, and unfortunately the couple doesn’t experience, but it is that moment that gives me chills, and makes me realize that that moment is why I love to be a part of wedding days. It makes whatever work, stress, or frustration just nothing to be concerned with. That all the effort, time and cost is worth it. That this moment will never be recreated, and this same love will never be felt again at this magnitude while these two are still alive. Next time you are at a wedding, really look around the room, you will see what I am talking about. You too will be addicted!